House Of Gold & Bones
by Remus san
Summary: AU Always a girl!Sam. This chapter is set in season 5 Episodes 17-22. It get's better, I hope.
1. Gone Sovereign

It's safe to say I care about him more then I should. Castiel maybe an ex-angel of the Lord, but he's still an angel all the same. After everything with the Whore of Babylon I know that he hates me at worse and tolerates me at best. I wish I could say that any feelings I have for him were stomped out, but they weren't.

_Abomination_.

What an ugly word. True in my case, but still ugly. I haven't told my brother about my feelings for the angel on his shoulder. It's for the best, I think. I can practically hear the disgusted shock in his voice.

'_Man, Sammy, what is with you banging monsters?_'

Castiel isn't a monster, but he's not human; and at the end of the day that's all Dean cares about. After everything, Van Nuys and Adam, Gabriel and Elysian Fields, Brady and Pestilence, I'm standing in front of Lucifer's burnt out vessel, armed with the Horseman's rings.

**Lucifer**:"What do you say, Samantha? A fiddle of gold against you soul says I'm better then you."

I gritted my teeth as I felt Dean go rigid next to me; knowing he'll want to back out of the plan, quickly cut him off before he open his mouth.

**Me**:"So he knows. Doesn't change anything and we don't have any other choice."

Closing my eyes, taking a deep breath, I said 'Yes' and everything went white.


	2. Tired

HOG&B Chap 2

I don't know what is more mortifying, the fact that I was running around soulless or the fact that I prostituted myself out to Castiel. That was the only clear memory I have after waking up in Bobby's panic room, it's also the reason I didn't hug Cas. Awkward was a big understatement and my own embarrassment stopped me from feeling too bad about the hurt expression on the angels face.

Then Dean and I found out about Castiel's deal with Crowley. Dean was pissed, but I was more disappointed than angry. So I called out to the angel as soon as Dean left to go to a bar and begged Cas not to go through with the deal.

Me:"I know better than anyone about what you're doing, Cas. A demon shows up and it offers you a deal that are almost too good to be true. It's the same crap I went through with Ruby, Cas."

The angel crossed his arms and frowned at me.

Castiel:"This is different."

I threw my hands up in aggravation.

Me:"How?! How is it different, Castiel?!"

He sneered.

Castiel:"I'm not you, Samantha."

I felt like someone punched me in the gut and one word echoed in my head.

Abomination.

My vision started to swim; oh god, I'm going to cry! Quickly turning my back on him, I tried to keep myself from falling apart. The sound of fluttering wings filled the room and I was left in the motile alone. After trying to keep my composer, I decided to spend my time packing my gear. But I never did that night. Instead, I slumped into a chair and cried.

Now, the wall that held the memories of the caged at bay, crumbled, and the one who made it so is proclaiming he is their new god.


	3. Taciturn

Taciturn

This is not the way I thought I'd be spending my last day on earth; on a couch, in between a crazy angel and a demon watching Disney's Peter Pan. Meg left half way through me explaining to Cas that in this version, Tinker Bell doesn't kill Wendy; so that left us in comfortable silence afterwards. Unlike Castiel, my focus isn't on the movie; it's on something much darker. My time in the Cage was a living horror show thanks to Lucifer. The falling angel would go through stages, one moment he'd be attentive and protect me from Michael's wrath, the next he'd be cruel and join his brother in the torture of my soul. I have no doubt I have Stockholm syndrome, thanks to the Morning Star. I was torn from my thoughts when Castiel began to nuzzle my neck. I made a startled noise in the back of my throat as I realized that our positions had changed. Instead of us sitting on the couch, we're laying down on it. I'm on my back; Cas is on his side, tucked between me and the back of the couch with his head resting on my shoulder. Castiel took my right hand, laced it with his own and placed our hands on my stomach.

Catiel:"You seem troubled again. Of course, that's a primary aspect of your personality, so sometimes I ignore it."

Chuckling, I slid my free hand through his hair and began to massage his scalp.

Me:"You and Dean have that in common at the very least."

He gave an irritated huff and said my name in the same tone dad used when I was in trouble.

I sighed.

Me:"It's just... If this goes South; if Crowley really did give us the wrong blood and we kamikaze Dick, I just wanted to tell you that I..."

My throat closed up as Castiel looked at me with curious, but absent eyes, and I knew I couldn't tell him about my feelings. So instead I pressed my lips against the crown of his head and murmured into his hair.

Me:"I forgive you, Cas."

The angel practicality glowed with happiness and I promised myself that after we gank Dick and get Castiel back into the right frame of mind, I'll tell him that I love him.

Too bad life is never that simple. Dean and Castiel are gone and Crowley took Kevin.

I'm on my own now.


	4. Blue Smoke

Blue Smoke

This pasted year without Castiel or Dean has been hell for me. But then again, being Garth's encyclopedia of weirdness, (As Dean so lovely put it, God, I miss him), isn't so bad. See ever since I lost focus with that wendigo, Garth band me from hunting. Grimacing, I gently rubbed my scared right side. I was sitting in front of my laptop in a motel in Texas, researching more for the salt and burn me and Garth are doing when I got an E-mail. It's coordinates to Rufus's cabin in Montana. I'll check it out in the morning; if I find a lead on the ghost.

Dean was alive; he's acting like a jackass to me for not looking for him, for not really hunting anymore and for not knowing were Kevin is; even if it's for the prophet own good. I'm not going to tell him that the memories from the cage are making it hard for me to concentrate. Even after the cursed coin I still haven't told him, though Garth is pushing me to do so. Also, it seems Dean is the only one who can have can have a supernatural friend we don't kill. The vampire; Benny, gets a free pass , but Amy, who was just trying to save her son, deserves to be ganked? My brother is a hypocrite.

I was relieved and ecstatic when Castiel was back, but with Kevin being kidnapped by Crowley; I think the welcome back will have to be later.

We're in Louisiana, on a vampire hunt that I am 80% sure is Benny's doing; until I got a text from Garth telling me he was in trouble, so I left the hunt to Dean and shagged ass to Arkansas. Turns out Dean had sent that text just to get me away from Benny, so I spent my time more wisely by getting drunk at a bar in Little Rock waiting for my brother. When he found me, I was buzzed and spoiling for a fight.

Dean:"Martin was an idiot. Crazy son of bitch didn't give Benny a choice. It was self-defense."

I gave him a look of disbelief.

Me:"Seriously, Dean? That's the story you're going with? The vampire was the real victim here?"

He shifts his weight like he was uncomfortable before sighing.

Dean:"Hey, like it or not, that's the truth, okay? There was a time when that actually meant something."

I snorted; downed my shot of whiskey and glared at my brother.

Me:"Yeah, yeah. No kidding."

A confused look flitted a crossed his face and asked what I meant.

Me:"You think this is just about Benny?"

Dean:"What the hell are you talking about?"

I snarled at him,

Me:"What the hell do you think I'm talking about?"

I can see the pieces falling into place; I can tell by the way his eyes widen with realization.

Dean:"Garth? I mean, I'm glad that you've stopped banging monsters, but come on, Sammy. I sent you that text 'cause I need you to-to-"

The look I must have given him had to be bad. May have been because I was imagining taking a beer bottle to his head.

Me:"You need me to what? To tear ass to Arkansas. To be afraid that what happened to Jessie, what happened to… everybody that we care about might have happened to him?"

Dean just sighed and then shrugged.

Dean:"What do you want to hear, Sammy? That I was wrong? Fine. I was wrong. Okay? But if you'd have just heard me out, if you'd have trusted me, all of this could have been avoided. "

I gritted my teeth; he's acting like I'm the one being difficult.

Me:"You didn't want me to trust you. You wanted me to trust Benny, and I can't do that."

My brother crossed his arms over his chest.

Dean:"Right. Okay, well, then, what the hell do we do now?"

I scrubbed a hand over my face before tossing some bills down on the bar.

Me:"Look, I don't know. Just… if you need me, I'll be in Missouri with Kevin."

I walked out of that bar feeling worse than when I came in, but, like a true Winchester; I blamed the alcohol.

Kevin kicked me out of the boat because my pacing got on his nerves, so I found a hunt in Wyoming and left; not without wringing a promise from the prophet to look after himself though. But then Castiel showed up in my motel room when I was researching and told me he need some help to get 'Heaven's most adorable angel' back. Dean's words, not Cas's. I told him I would and started packing my gear. The blue eyed angel had taking a seat at the table I was doing my research on and asked about my memories from the cage, also about Garth. I tried to put it in words he'd understand.

Me:"You took the hallucinations away, Cas, but not what Lucifer and Michael did to me. They beat me, they raped me and tore me apart, but with the whole Leviathan problem; I was able to keep it together."

I sat down in a chair opposite of the dark hair angel; I put a hand on his knee and gave it a squeeze when his face crumpled in grief.

Me:"I forgave you already, Castiel. The wall would've fell either way, remember?"

After a moment of reassuring Cas that I wasn't angry at him, I started talking more about what happen this last year alone and realized that I was telling the angel before Dean. But I couldn't stop.

Me:"It started out rocky. I was literally losing days at a time since you and Dean disappeared. One minute I'm talking to Garth and the next I'm curled up in a corner with no freaking clue how I got there. You see, Dean never wanted to talk about the cage, but Garth wanted me to talk about it; so I did, and it helped. It really did."

I got up, patted his shoulder and grabbed my duffle.

Me:"Come on, Cas. Let's get Alfie back."

The dark hair angel nodded and we were gone.


End file.
